If you’re wondering what I mean, see if any of this sounds familiar?
- Everyone ignores me in the meeting/class/workshop/conferences.
- I’m always dumped on/given more work/forgotten.
- Others have more fun/time to talk/goof off.
Oh, I’m sure I can think of a dozen more. Some that I’ve even said before I caught myself.
Really, people, most of those statements are simply because you won’t stand up for yourself or open up. Yes. I’m an extrovert, but I do have moments where I feel insecure. You wouldn’t know it but when I was a kid, I stuttered. Not terribly bad, but bad enough for people to poke fun at me. I still stutter when I get angry or extremely nervous. Plus I have difficulties pronouncing certain words. A little quirk of mine. I know what they mean, just don’t use them often enough in speech. And anyone who sees pictures of me know I’m overweight. Over the years, I’ve heard enough about that to be self-conscious.
Okay, what I’m getting to is that everyone have issues and insecurities. When you feel dumped on, ignored, or/and left out, stop and think of how you can fix it. More times than I can count the problem starts with yourself.
If I don’t want to feel that way, I found if I open myself up, things change. If they act like an asshole, the world is large. look for another friend, nice acquaintance or companion. There are others out and about who are in the same spot.
So keep that in mind next time you feel like a martyr.
Why do you think all of those nerd movies are so successful? One nerd finds like minded nerds to hang around.
Carla Swafford, Author 
Yes! This! It rings true for me more on a personal level than professional level because I have a few people in my life who take so much energy trying to make sure they are ok. It’s exhausting. Someone said something in a tone she didn’t like. Or someone looked at her funny. Or I’m not talking to her as much as she thinks I should do why am I mad at her her? Because I love them, I put forth my best effort. BUT, I just want to say, “enjoy the day and put that all aside and let me tend to the things I need to do.” Of course it’s always when I have a ton of people at the house so I CAN’T devote every second to them. And their needs always add stress for me, which I feel is selfish on their part.
I admit it’s hard for me to understand. But I do my best to accommodate them.
Also, stutterers unite! I’ve taken something for social anxiety for years, which “fixed” that. Unfortunately, they found some side effects which make social anxiety seem minor. So I quit it in March. Ye Olde Stutter is more common for me now. I seem to care much less than I did 20 years ago….
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Don’t people like that just suck the life out of you? That’s why if they don’t change, they live a lonely life. And most of the time, those people (yes, I said THOSE PEOPLE – so un-PC of me and I’m not even talking about an ethic group) bring it all on themselves.
You’re not her guardian angel. Next time she asks if you’re mad at her or she’s says so-and-so used a certain tone to her, ask her questions. “Why do you think I’m mad at you? Maybe you can help me. I have so many people to worry about and you helping me will make it one less person. What kind of tone? Does she talk to other people in that tone? Are you that important to that person?”
And it’s not selfish on your part. They’re the one with the problem. Maybe offer them some self-help books. Co-dependancy books are perfect for people like that. Part of their problem is they are insecure and in turn oversensitive to others.
If you can, weed her out. You don’t need to be dragged down by people like that.
Thank you, my stutterer fri-friend. 🙂
And isn’t it great to have something positive to come out of being older, besides being legal to drink. HA!
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