In the next six months, hubby and I plan to sell our house of 23 years and move closer to the grandkids and our moms. Presently, we’re around an hour away and the traffic between the families are getting worse each year.
So we’re moving into the country on the other side of the city, and we’re a little excited about it. And if you’re wondering, NO, WE ARE NOT DOWNSIZING. Why do people keep asking that? If we lived in a huge house, I could understand it, but we don’t. I had to tell people, if we move into a smaller home, I will have to strangle my hubby.
We have already started looking at homes in the areas we’re interested in. I have to say some people have poor taste when it comes to decorating their homes, while others are borderline hoarders. With that being said, hubby and I plan to donate the majority of our attic to the Good Will. We are presently forcing our daughters to take their childhood stuff that was stored in said attic into their homes. Now they are donating all of their precious memories they asked us to keep. HA! I knew it.
Anyway, we’ve already learned a lot about what we can expect for our money. And wow, there is a lot for the realtors to learn about taking pictures of those homes. So here’s my letter to the ladies and gentlemen selling homes (same goes to the “for sale by owner” sellers).
Realtors, when taking pictures of the houses you have for sale, remember the following.
1. Invest in a good digital camera. Heck, even some (expensive) phones have pretty good cameras in them now. Please have your children, niece, nephew, grandchildren show you how to use it correctly. Then the picture won’t be blurred or too dark.
2. I don’t care what the shower curtain looks like, or the beautiful foyer table. Close ups of those will not sale the house. Those items will be going with the original owners, unless the house comes furnished. Then I will throw away the curtain (yuck, germs), and sell most or all of the furnishings.
3. Similar to number two, but reference house fixtures staying there. Don’t take up-close pictures of the commode (double yuck), sink, dishwasher, or light fixtures. It’s amazing how I can tell what they are by looking at a picture of the whole room.
4. Speaking of dark, take the pictures during the day and not a cloudy day or late evening. Open the curtains. Dark rooms are depressing and I don’t want a depressing house. Or invest in a photographer’s light. Check Ebay or Craig’s list. Photographers are selling them all the time to upgrade or get out of the business.
5. Why are you showing pictures of trees and bushes? Be sure the outside of the house is in the picture if you do. One picture will do for that area. Not ten of the same spot from different angles.
6. Diplomatically, ask the owner to take down family pictures. We must imagine living there with our family pictures. This includes their favorite team’s memorabilia to make it look less obsessed. Of course, the same goes for their turtle collection.
7. Two pictures of the same room from different angles are fine, if you must. But please, I don’t need individual pictures of the window, closet, built-in shelves, and overhead light (see #3 above). I’ll come and visit the house if I’m interested and check them out.
What would you add?
Out of My Control
There are times I have to say it over and over again. Oddly, I think about John Malkovich’s character saying “It’s beyond my control.” He was using it as a manipulation to drive another woman nuts. I use it to keep myself from going crazy worrying about things I have no true control over. I keep moving. I keep trying to look at the brighter side.
On my dad’s death in 2014, I’m sure he thought he left his affairs in order. He had a will and divided all his possessions between his three children. Easy-peasy.
Uh, no.
Dad had/has a loan on his house and market (flea market type building and land). The market has a buyer for it, but will take years to clear up. Long story. Today, we finally received a couple offers on the house. Another long story.
See, in 2007, my dad had a stroke. He owned a trucking company (he sold afterwards), and he and his co-driver had stopped at a rest stop in Virginia when it happened. If he had cooperated with the EMTs that were called in and gone to the local hospital, he probably would have recovered at least 80% to 90%. Heck, who knows, maybe in 100%. But he refused and waited until he arrived in Alabama before going to a hospital. NEVER DO THAT. Go immediately to the hospital. Have someone drive you or call 911 and tell them you’re having a stroke. Don’t worry if you’re wrong. Just do it.
So because of the stroke, he had numbness on his right side, and in turn, problems with falling and not being able to get up. And he had difficulties with speaking. He could talk, but every few words or so wouldn’t come out. He’d get so frustrated.
All of this was very hard for him. He loved working and talking, and suddenly he found he couldn’t do those two things.
I have to mention. My dad walked with a cane (his right side remained numb). Since his mouth wouldn’t work correctly (as he liked to say), he talked slower and with a stutter. I can’t tell you how upset I became with service people in restaurants and stores. They would talk to him as if he was a child or dumb. He wasn’t. People have to remember, just because a person has a problem talking, doesn’t necessarily mean they’re mentally deficient.
He continued to have physical problems. I believe toward the end, his depression grew until his being unable to work, unable to communicate, and unable to replenish his funds pushed him to do the only thing he thought would make everything better for everyone. He walked out of his home into the side yard and shot himself in the head.
In the year and seven months since then, I’ve worried about so much. I guess my biggest worry is that other people I love will begin to believe this is a solution to all their troubles. To me, it appears suicide can be contagious. Over the last thirty years, I have had three relatives on the same side of the family to commit suicide.
Please believe me. Your troubles might end, but you have created many, many problems for those left behind. For those who love you. For those who care about you. There will be a hole in their lives that can never be filled. They’ll wonder over and over again,”if only I did something different.” Tell them what’s happening. They would want to know. I swear.
Anyway, if you ever think of ending your life, be sure to call 800-273-8255. One of the great things about the Internet is how you can search out ways to move you from such dark thoughts. But why not talk to a live person who is trained to help you?
If you had a love one to have a stroke, be sure to click here and read the number one killer. Depression.
If you had a family member or love one who committed suicide, be sure to read this.
It’s a horrible thing, but you don’t have to be alone. Find the right people to talk about it, especially if the rest of the family or friends try to ignore it or say stupid things like, it was for the best. No. It wasn’t.
Anyway, I felt it was time for me to talk about it. I have a couple friends I told after it happened. Otherwise, only my family and I have talked about it and very little. I just hope and pray others will never have to go through it.
Why did I pick today to tell you about it? Because it’s my dad’s birthday. He would have been 85. I rather celebrate his birth. And if I can help one person, it will be worth typing the extremely personal details above.
Happy birthday, Dad. I love and miss you.
Head Explodes
Yep. Some days I feel my head will explode from all that I have to do and remember. I’m sure you’re the same way. So much information is thrown our way each day. Heck! Each second! I think all the information we receive in some ways makes us aware but not really smarter. So we have to decide what is important and what isn’t. So over the years I’ve narrowed down what I watch and read.
I’m looking forward to retiring from my day job. Then I can empty my head of all the useless (will be after I leave) information and make room for what I love. Reading and writing romance. Improving my craft, learning new ways to promote my books (if you don’t know they exist, how would you know to read them?), and so many interesting facets to being a published author.
One of my big drawbacks is my self-confidence. I believe a lot of authors have that problem. So something I read today I have to share with you. It got me to thinking. (HA!)
From Wizard of Oz
Wizard: Not having fear isn’t brave, it’s foolhardy. Any real hero knows fear.
Cowardly Lion: I’ll tell you one thing though, so does a real coward.
Wizard: The difference is a hero masters his fear.
So here’s to mastering my fears.
~~
On January 15, I will be at the Romance Magicians’ blog. Come by and see me!
What Model Of Alpha Do You Want?
Reviews are a double edge sword. Authors want and need them to get the word out about their books, but reviews with low ratings and pure hate for a book are not helpful in my opinion. The reason I say it that way is that I had a well-known blogger tell me even horrible reviews can help sell a book. You know, everyone wanting to see if a book is really as terrible as everyone is saying. Heaven forbid, if that ever happens to me. I’m all for the positive hook.
Anyway, reviews per se is not what this post is about.
Occasionally, I read reviews from some of my favorite authors. Why you ask? Whenever I’m feeling down about my writing (what the fuck am I doing?) and need to see even my favorite NYT bestselling authors have a handful of disparagers among their hundreds of five star reviews. Yesterday, I was looking at an author whose publisher had released her backlist in ebook. So thrilling because now I can get copies for my iPad and the paperbacks can stay on my shelves in good condition.
On one hand, I was surprised by the many one stars (and anger) for books I love of hers. As I read the reviews, the main theme appeared to be the way the heroes treated the heroines.
See, from 1970s to 1990s, it had been popular for the heroes to be what I call supreme alphas. It started with the bodice rippers (literally, and by the way, I freaking hate that term for current day romance in general). Yes. Historical romances were queen in the beginning and the heroes thought nothing of ripping the bodice off the heroines. It was so different from what women had been reading before then. I can get into the dynamics of the sexual revolution and birth control and woman finding out they loved sex when there was little fear of pregnancy (only 2% to 9% fear as pills are 91% to 98% effective), but that is still not what this post is about.
In my dear favorite author’s earlier books, the heroes bossed and took over the heroines’ lives as if the women had no sense at all. At the time, and to a point nowadays, I love reading books with those types of heroes. But from what I’ve read in other articles, reviews and in general conversations with twenty- to thirty-something readers, they do not want a hero to act that way. In real life, I wouldn’t either, but, folks, this is fantasy. Anyway, onward and upward…
I thought that was interesting considering how many readers love kinky doms (BDSM), demanding billionaires, and dangerous bikers (MCs). So I compared the differences and realized in most cases, the older romances with dominating males, the heroes came across as cold and unfeeling at least until the end. While the new wave alphas show tenderness and often sweet talk their heroines, they are the same type of heroes, but they have smoother edges.
Both have pluses and minuses. I have found that sometimes when I’m reading a new author’s male point of view, the guys sound a little girlish. More of how the author wished a male would be. From what I know of most men, they are straightforward in speech and action and rarely think about how so-and-so feels about something. They believe they do what must be done and not worry overmuch about it. They have gut feelings and realizations. Not all of that touchy, feely, (I’m not talking about sex) I-have-to-talk-it-out stuff. Of course, there are the exceptions, but they are usually the villains. HA!
Oh, if you’re reading an old romance, be sure to keep all of this mind. Hopefully the publisher (or author, if self-published) will show the original published date. It would be best in the end. Fewer rants by readers. Geez!
My Thoughts on Self-Publishing
Yep. My thoughts. Doesn’t mean they’re written in stone or scientifically correct, this is mostly just what I read and heard from others, and personal experience.
Sadly, I believe that the majority of the people who self-publish are like the thousands of people who went to California or Alaska to strike it rich. No. The gold wasn’t spread across the ground in nuggets. No. You couldn’t sit there and expect things to happen. Yes. There are people waiting to take your money and give little in return.
First a fact, I asked my editor and agent a simple question. Since the self-publishing boom, have you seen a decline, same amount, or increase in submissions? My agent said it was the same amount, while my editor said it had increased.*
I truly thought it would be less. So often I hear from those who are self-published that they will never go through a traditional publisher. God bless America! I think it’s great they have the choice.
But from the information my agent and editor kindly provided me, I understand that to mean writers still prefer the traditional route. No surprise there.
I know I prefer going with a traditional publishing house. Yes, I do have two novellas (short books) I self-published, and will probably do it again in the future for the heck of it. Overall, I rather have a publishing house handling/paying for the editing, cover, and distribution.
To me, self-publishing took too much time away from what I prefer to do: to be with my family and write. (I have a full time day job.) Plus to self-publish a book correctly, it takes money. I spent $500 per novella to prepare them for publication.
I’m sure there are dozens of stories out there about a person who didn’t pay for editing, did their own art work and published it only on Amazon and made thousands of dollars. Yet, at the same time those dozens have to be compared to the thousands upon thousands of people who self-published with little to no success.
Think of it this way, in 2013, there were 11 MILLION books for sale on Amazon (includes nonfiction). Presently, there are over 900,000 Kindle books. I like the playing field to be stacked in my favor, and personally, being published traditionally does that. Another way to do that is to improve my writing. It takes constant work.
Nothing is perfect. Nothing is easy. As Ray Bradbury said, “–hard work pays off. If you want to be good, you have to practice, practice, practice.”
And goodness, I do practice.
If you’re interested in checking out my books, click on a link below.
Amazon
Barnes and Noble
Kobo Books
All Romance Ebooks
*Random House use to be an agent only publishing house until they started Loveswept back up (2011) as an e-book imprint. Now you can submit to Loveswept without an agent.
